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The road of Life

The road of Life.

I haven’t posted anything for a long time, because I was super busy making everything behind-the-scenes of Organice Your Life® work. I hired Lisa to work full-time on the site and magazine, and I am very happy so far!

In the meantime, I have done photoshoots, with lots of pictures coming out soon, I survived 2 earthquakes and 1 Hurricane in 2 weeks.(That is the earthquake in NYC and Hurricane Irene, and one earthquake in the Netherlands when I just returned there!). I also discovered I might be allergic to gluten, as I feel tired after eating bread…. I also turned 30 which really makes me feel mature, happy and full of energy for the rest of my life. My best friend got married. A lot of friends are having babies.. Lot’s of things on my mind, lots of things to think about…My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship, and I travel all over the world. My sister lives in another country as her boyfriend plays soccer there (or football as we say) A lot of things happening around me, all at once.

Even I, who set up Organice Your Life®, feel that I have to “organice” my life still. It is not perfect ever, the road of life is a continuous path of ups and downs, thoughts and experiences and never knowing which way it will go. Going with the flow, while making wise moves.There is no right, there is no wrong. Just love and respect your own feelings and others. I try to prepare for the near future, while trying to decide what the way is that makes me happy at the moment, as I never know what the future will bring.

But what if certain experiences, can make you feel totally out of control within yourself? Like you are losing control of the situation? While you always thought everything is in control? After experiencing the feeling of an near empty NYC in preparation for hurricane Irene, that looked more like Doomsday, and the earthquake that literally shook everything in my apartment, I thought: what if disaster really struck seriously? What is it I am doing in my life? What do I want to really do in my life? What is in the future for me? What should I do? Who should I spend time with? Kids or not? Marriage? NYC or the Netherlands? or maybe Scotland? Even Paris? I think you need moments to take your own time, to meditate, to feel, to get in contact with your true heart, feelings and thoughts. Process it all, find out why things are happening, and assess. You need time to just think and make a few decisions that maybe make YOUR LIFE  (in this case MY life) better and gives you the room to breath, and think happy thoughts and just love it all.

I decided I am going to visit my sister soon as I miss her. I decided I am eating less bread unless it is made of spelt as it probably will make me feel less tired. I decided to really take time to find out what I need in love, friends, family space, place to live and in my work. I need to really pick up my fitness again. But mostly: In a month it has been exactly 10 years ago that my father passed away. The person who supported me throughout the first part of my career and was besides that, an awesome dad. I never really got through it, I just went on with my life.I started to recently process the pain and loss for the first time. All these feelings together worn me out a bit emotionally and I just need time to think, relax and feel. Take a step back to jump forward. This all is just my road of Life, and I try to live and enjoy it fully!

Love, Lonneke

picture: “Gili Trawangan beach by sunset” by Alexia van der Meijden

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7 Responses to The road of Life.

  1. Anne-Marie September 23, 2011 at 12:09 am #

    Dear Lonneke, thank you for this very thoughtful and reflective article. I admire your courage and strength and how you have been able to turn set-backs and deep emotional experiences into positive and constructive ways of living. Thank you for sharing! Xox Anne-Marie

  2. antoniette September 23, 2011 at 12:41 am #

    Lonneke, this is a beautiful post. I think that everyone can relate to it on many different levels. It reiterates that life is all about vicissitudes and that “organicing” one’s life is a daily task. No matter one’s success level, everyone encounters obstacles. I think that one of the most admirable qualities is being able to cope with all that life throws at you by living in the present moment and enjoying all that it has to offer. You definitely do this and your passion for life is contagious. As Anne-Marie said, thanks for sharing your thoughts so candidly. Xx antoniette

  3. Lonneke Engel September 23, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    Thank you! I just felt like writing it. As people might think I have everything always perfect, I in fact learn each day and still find bumps, issues and problems in my life, feelings I can’t describe, not knowing what to do. It is important to tell people there is no perfect life XX

  4. Mallory June September 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

    this post gave me goosebumps. thank you lon for being so honest. So refreshing. You are an admirable person..:)

  5. Lisa September 23, 2011 at 12:21 pm #

    Amazing Lonneke – Thank you so much for sharing. Opening up one’s heart is both personal and difficult. It shows such courage, and I am sure it will help with dealing with any and all emotions. It is so real and heartfelt. I think it is so important to deal with all emotions even if we feel ‘ok’ , I know i have learnt a lot about that :) It is so easy to suppress emotions and feelings because we are ‘strong’ and living ‘happy’ lives, compared to many in the world. So I find it hard to even ‘stress’, but know it is good and healthy!!! No on is perfect, not even in the slightest, and sometimes it can seem as others have the ‘perfect life’. It is only natural and I do it myself without even realizing it! So thank you so much for writing this and being open with your heart and life. We all love and care for you! xoxo

  6. ritam September 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

    hello Lonneke, I just loved your post,you are a very special person, I wish that you decide the best for you, I agree with you that is no perfect life, but you can choice all things that make you happy, you deserve all of happiness, thanks for share your feelings with us. XX

  7. Tajna September 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

    Oh Lonneke,that so much! a bi hug fro you! your inner beauty comes out so much through this (and every) article.I wish you all the best,the most happiness and centeredness in the world.My grandfather died June 11 the day after my niece was born,I miss him every second yet feel his loving energy all the time. May you feel the warmth of the sun every second on your heart,and not feel sad. :-)

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